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If the New England Patriots were a sports agent, I could see them slipping money to a basketball or football star at Southern California.
If the Patriots were a college coach, I could see them dangling Escalade keys in front of a high school quarterback.
If the Patriots were a participant in Super Bowl XXXVIII, I could see them violating NFL rules by taping the opposing coaches.
You remember that Super Bowl. Houston, Feb. 1, 2004. The Patriots led 14-10 after three quarters.
And then New England's offense suddenly figured it out and Carolina scrambled madly to keep up. The Panthers scored 19 points in the fourth quarter, the Patriots 18.
The last of New England's points came on a field goal with four seconds remaining, and the Patriots won 32-29.
Did the Patriots illicitly tape Carolina coaches, formations, signals or a walk-through practice? Was their sudden offense the result of information gleaned through camera tricks?
Only the Patriots know. All we know is that breaking rules is as integral to their culture as coach Bill Belichick's hooded sweatshirts. Why do you think NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell last season fined Belichick $500,000 and the team $250,000 and took away a first-round draft pick?
Although the New England-Carolina Super Bowl was more than four years ago, two questions linger. Did the Patriots cheat? And did the cheating alter the result? The Panthers and their fans are entitled to be indignant.
But they aren't entitled to be too indignant. Three of the five starters on Carolina's offensive line also cheated when they injected their bodies with steroids.
Camera tricks can help tell a coach what's coming next. Drug tricks can help linemen stop defenders from coming into the backfield.
But there's a difference. Carolina's cheating was, I'm convinced, confined to individuals, most of them popular locker room guys at the end of their career. The coach didn't know.
New England's coach knew. You probably saw pieces of the eight tapes that former video assistant Matt Walsh turned over to Goodell on Tuesday. How extensive is the team's film department?
When most NFL coaches say "cut," a player turns in his playbook. When Belichick says "cut," a video assistant turns off his camera.
Talk to Belichick and you realize that he is smarter than you are and is not terribly offended if you know it.
If he also is superior intellectually to the coaches he competes against, if he can look at the same game they do and see what they cannot, why should he have to contend with the same rules and the same limitations? He's special. Can't you tell?
Belichick will be remembered as an innovator who had the good fortune to coach one of the greatest quarterbacks who ever lived.
He'll also be remembered as a cheat.
IN MY OPINION Tom Sorensen